Thursday, June 28, 2007


Last night I had the super craziest dream, in which I found out I couldn't go to Notre Dame (for some weird reason I can't remember) so I decided to go to UVA for law instead! WEIRD.

Maybe all the stress of moving and packing and cleaning and fridge defrosting is getting to me.

In other news: Milwaukee says bye-bye sometime later today.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Being of two minds


[An empty stage, with a table in the center and a chair. Behind, the lake. A strong wind blows through. On the table-a plate, holding a single bratwurst and a pint of Miller Lite. A young woman enters, stage left. She sits on the chair, contemplating the table's contents. Radishes flutter in, then fall to the ground.]

Woman: A few short months, and all that remains are the silky ends of the time where I tried to grab it, catching my nails on its last gleaming threads.

[A tall woman walks across from stage left, throwing a sheaf of papers into the air, where they flutter to the floor. Exit stage right. Shrimp enter, dancing quickly, before dying off forever and disappearing, stage right.]

Woman: Nothing left behind but that scrape on the wall, that stain on the carpet, those tire tracks burned on the pavement of a still new city.

[A single grocery cart is rolled across the back of the stage, entering stage left, exiting stage right. A human sized block of cheese prances through the background. The lights dim further.]

Woman: Where's the mime?

[Mime enters, stage left, missing one shoe. Exit stage right. A man wearing lederhosen follows him, clapping loudly. Exit stage right.]

Woman: And all that remains.

[She picks up the bratwurst, eats it. She drinks the beer and leaves the empty plate and bowl on the table. She rises from the chair.]

Woman: A bow, and nothing more.

[She bows. Exit stage right. The lights fade to black.]

End Scene

*(forgive the lack of italics. HTML is hard.)
**(this is satire.)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Whip it

...into shape!

Or otherwise known as: Bernie's mission to look good in a bikini for the cruise that occurs in t-minus 41 days. Especially since I've hit that point where working a desk job and sitting all day is taking its toll on my figure, and has boosted me to a weight that is heavier (ACK!) than I was this time last year. Few sentences are more depressing (well, few sentences that have to do with trivial minutiae and not real tragedy or injustice).

Ergo, whipping it into shape, just like Devo said. Surprisingly, my absolute loathing of exercise of any kind has seemed to evaporate with the exciting discovery of miniature TVs mounted to the elliptical machines at my gym. Which means I can watch Food Network celebrities make buttery, chocolate covered desserts and cheese smothered pastas while I sweat off those calories. If there ever was a more beautiful juxtaposition, I don't know what it is.

In the interest of a healthier lifestyle (read: bathing suit friendly, since my preferred eating habits are anything but healthy and involve weekly doses of french fries) I have moved on to vegetables, insane amounts of fruit, and a fantastic black bean and corn salsa made from scratch (!) that tastes good on everything. Well, almost everything. Additionally, I've discovered that a little bit of cottage cheese is a great way to cream up a salad dressing without adding too many calories.