Honesty

Really, the best policy.

My life has been in a constant state of stress lately; school, job search, life. All have been sort of an intense overload. I've been trying to cope by just taking things a step at a time, not letting myself get freaked out or feel overly pressured, but I think the time has come for me to acknowledge that something needs to be different. A good capsule example:

My apartment has been constantly messy since the beginning of the semester, when I moved back and didn't unpack all my clothes, but rather dumped them into a huge pile on the floor. It only got worse when I would do laundry and then fail to put my clothes away, instead leaving them jumbled in the basket.

While my apartment was like that, I felt assailed by an almost physical wall of frustration the second I walked through my door. Anything that was on my mind — assignments, bills, plans — would be instantly overwhelmed by MY APARTMENT! MY APARTMENT! IT IS MESSY! It became almost impossible for me to get things done.

Last night I took an affirmative step and finally organized, folded, and hung all the clothes that were making my room look like that of an 11-year old boy. I was finally honest to myself about the fact that I could no longer bear to step over piles of socks and scattered shoes on my way to my bed; that the giant piles of junk mail slowly conquering my living room were not good for my sanity; and that I needed to just suck it up (side note: this is, indeed, proper usage) and devote a whole evening to putting my life back in order.

So I did. And now I feel great about it. I'm still busy and occupied, but at least I can come home, walk in, and not feel immediately overwhelmed. A great weight has been lifted. And all because I was finally honest enough with myself to admit that I was turning into a messy, disorganized wacko and needed to make a drastic change.