CDs I have purchased:
Van Lear Rose--Loretta Lynn
Kala--M.I.A.
Between Here and Gone--Mary Chapin Carpenter
1999--Prince
Come to the Mountain--Assorted
Hairspray: the soundtrack
The Woman in White--Andrew Lloyd Webber
Raising Sand--Alison Krauss and Robert Plant
Movies I have watched:
Wall-E
Michael Clayton
Kung Fu Panda
The Company
Volver
Books I have read:
March by Geraldine Brooks
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
Books I have re-read:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K.Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K.Rowling
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Lists made:
Too many to count
Friday, August 01, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Overthinking [everything]
Still awake — the natural consequence of having taken too long a nap in the afternoon and having stayed up too late finishing a book. I've tried several times to fall asleep and all I do is lay in the dark, thoughts bubbling up out of my head (my stomach? Sometimes it feels that way).
I worry about a lot of things, probably (definitely) more than I should. Right now, all I can think of is the ending I am quickly drawing to, and the beginning of something new that will be even more difficult because of all the changes it will bring.
I worry that as the summer draws to a close, I won't finish my products properly or in time; that I'll leave with regrets from not having done this or that; that I'll leave without any more confidence in myself than I arrived with.
I worry that as the new school year starts, I'll be too busy to study properly, or well; that I won't be able to handle my new schedule; that I'll miss Tom too much.
Well, I know for a fact that I'll miss Tom too much. It's no secret to confess that our impending separation (he will soon be much more than a few hours' drive away) has worn a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I don't worry about us; I worry about me. Is that wrong? I try to deal the best I can with his absence, and I admit that I've gotten better at it, even though I'm far from perfect. I've spoken to a number of people this summer who are even married and separated from their spouses. Does it get easier? Will it be OK?
No doubt I can blame these semi-coherent, post-midnight ramblings on the sticky half of a cinnamon bun that I ate for dessert. Late nights always put me in a pensive mood. I just need to stop worrying, I guess. Though I've told myself that many times, and never with much success.
This has been a very long post, and for that I apologize (to the few people who read/care). But I guess that's what this blog is all about — it serves as a catch-all for what I'm feeling, or fearing, or looking forward to. And thank goodness, because otherwise all this would still be roaming around my mind, large thoughts inside a small head. Maybe now it will be easier to fall asleep.
I worry about a lot of things, probably (definitely) more than I should. Right now, all I can think of is the ending I am quickly drawing to, and the beginning of something new that will be even more difficult because of all the changes it will bring.
I worry that as the summer draws to a close, I won't finish my products properly or in time; that I'll leave with regrets from not having done this or that; that I'll leave without any more confidence in myself than I arrived with.
I worry that as the new school year starts, I'll be too busy to study properly, or well; that I won't be able to handle my new schedule; that I'll miss Tom too much.
Well, I know for a fact that I'll miss Tom too much. It's no secret to confess that our impending separation (he will soon be much more than a few hours' drive away) has worn a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I don't worry about us; I worry about me. Is that wrong? I try to deal the best I can with his absence, and I admit that I've gotten better at it, even though I'm far from perfect. I've spoken to a number of people this summer who are even married and separated from their spouses. Does it get easier? Will it be OK?
No doubt I can blame these semi-coherent, post-midnight ramblings on the sticky half of a cinnamon bun that I ate for dessert. Late nights always put me in a pensive mood. I just need to stop worrying, I guess. Though I've told myself that many times, and never with much success.
This has been a very long post, and for that I apologize (to the few people who read/care). But I guess that's what this blog is all about — it serves as a catch-all for what I'm feeling, or fearing, or looking forward to. And thank goodness, because otherwise all this would still be roaming around my mind, large thoughts inside a small head. Maybe now it will be easier to fall asleep.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
So here's the thing
The summer is almost over. Done. Kaput. Finito!
Remind me again how that happened? I feel like just six blog posts ago it was the beginning of the summer. Oh. Wait.
Things to do:
-interview/job crap
-packing crap
-saying goodbye (always is awful)
-haircut (might be awful)
And various other end-of-summer things, including project wrap-up at work. Blech. I like to work on projects. I just don't like to work on projects when I know I'm going to have to start wrapping up those projects.
The single redemptive feature of these next few weeks: Tom comes to visit. YES!
Remind me again how that happened? I feel like just six blog posts ago it was the beginning of the summer. Oh. Wait.
Things to do:
-interview/job crap
-packing crap
-saying goodbye (always is awful)
-haircut (might be awful)
And various other end-of-summer things, including project wrap-up at work. Blech. I like to work on projects. I just don't like to work on projects when I know I'm going to have to start wrapping up those projects.
The single redemptive feature of these next few weeks: Tom comes to visit. YES!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Independence Day
My parents came back from vacation yesterday and the only thing on my dad's mind: buy fireworks.
"Dad," I said. "You can get them at Wal-Mart."
"Not if you want the really good ones," he insisted. "You gotta go to the tent." Recently, white tents have popped up, mushroom-like, in parking lots and vacant fields all over the city, with names like Big Daddy Fireworks and an ever-present stream of customers coming in and going out, their arms filled with explosives. On the way back from the airport he pulled over to the first tent he saw, and left my mom and me in the car talking about Pride & Prejudice while he browsed for pyrotechnics. He came back with a giant white box called "The King." "I got a variety," he said. "I can't tell what all that stuff in there is."
Tonight he donned safety glasses and a headlamp (where he got it from, I have no idea) and lit about a dozen fireworks out in the cul-de-sac. My mom and I observed from a safe distance, holding on to our lame sparklers while my dad lit the big stuff and then ran for cover. He was like a little kid again and I can't say it wasn't the most fun I've had on a Fourth of July in a long time, watching him kneel down to light the fuses and then tear back toward the house, his headlamp bobbing while bright pinwheels sparked behind him. Some neighbors down the street were lighting fireworks too, big green ones that whistled into the air and sprouted like giant palms. A couple houses down, a bunch of kids and adults spilled out onto their porch and watched my dad work his incendiary magic, cheering at even the dinky little ones and letting out a disappointed "Awwwwww" when my dad announced the last one.
Afterward we doused the cardboard containers, just in case, and then swept them all into the trashbin. We used all the fireworks he'd bought, except for the "really big ones," he said, that we couldn't light because there were "too many houses." The law student in me let out a big sigh when he decided not to go for the gusto. The kid in me still wants to see those suckers explode. Maybe next year.
Happy fourth, everyone.
"Dad," I said. "You can get them at Wal-Mart."
"Not if you want the really good ones," he insisted. "You gotta go to the tent." Recently, white tents have popped up, mushroom-like, in parking lots and vacant fields all over the city, with names like Big Daddy Fireworks and an ever-present stream of customers coming in and going out, their arms filled with explosives. On the way back from the airport he pulled over to the first tent he saw, and left my mom and me in the car talking about Pride & Prejudice while he browsed for pyrotechnics. He came back with a giant white box called "The King." "I got a variety," he said. "I can't tell what all that stuff in there is."
Tonight he donned safety glasses and a headlamp (where he got it from, I have no idea) and lit about a dozen fireworks out in the cul-de-sac. My mom and I observed from a safe distance, holding on to our lame sparklers while my dad lit the big stuff and then ran for cover. He was like a little kid again and I can't say it wasn't the most fun I've had on a Fourth of July in a long time, watching him kneel down to light the fuses and then tear back toward the house, his headlamp bobbing while bright pinwheels sparked behind him. Some neighbors down the street were lighting fireworks too, big green ones that whistled into the air and sprouted like giant palms. A couple houses down, a bunch of kids and adults spilled out onto their porch and watched my dad work his incendiary magic, cheering at even the dinky little ones and letting out a disappointed "Awwwwww" when my dad announced the last one.
Afterward we doused the cardboard containers, just in case, and then swept them all into the trashbin. We used all the fireworks he'd bought, except for the "really big ones," he said, that we couldn't light because there were "too many houses." The law student in me let out a big sigh when he decided not to go for the gusto. The kid in me still wants to see those suckers explode. Maybe next year.
Happy fourth, everyone.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
The shortest long week...longest short week?
Exhaustamafied. This weekend I have no plans for the Fourth of July except I must. see. Wall-E. No joke, my urge to watch this movie has reached critical mass; the only thing that stopped me from going to see it alone this week was waiting for my sister who will also love it, I know.
Doggies = not as fun as when they lived with me. Don't ask me why.
Next weekend I'm going to Chicago to see the girls; it will be such a nice break and I can't wait to see them and do many many fun things, including, but not limited to, shoppingeatingdancingjumpingaroundsightseeing. HOORAY!
Doggies = not as fun as when they lived with me. Don't ask me why.
Next weekend I'm going to Chicago to see the girls; it will be such a nice break and I can't wait to see them and do many many fun things, including, but not limited to, shoppingeatingdancingjumpingaroundsightseeing. HOORAY!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Catch and release
Weekly softball has been surprisingly fun. Especially considering that I. SUCK. at softball.
I cannot catch. Nor can I release the ball when I'm throwing at the right point for it not to plow into the ground six feet in front of me.
The only thing I am semi-decent at is batting. The only trouble is that I have no strength in my arms, so one of three things happens:
1) I hit a slow grounder, someone scoops it up, I'm out at first.
2) I hit a soft, graceful lob, someone catches it, I'm out.
3) I hit the ball, it falls to the ground, I run like heck, and I get to first. Miracle.
I think that in order to get better at softball, I need to learn how to a) throw and b) catch. I am, however, too lazy to practice, and I also do not own a softball. Therefore I will neither throw nor catch and instead, will simply chase after the ball in a completely undignified way when it bounces out of my glove.
I cannot catch. Nor can I release the ball when I'm throwing at the right point for it not to plow into the ground six feet in front of me.
The only thing I am semi-decent at is batting. The only trouble is that I have no strength in my arms, so one of three things happens:
1) I hit a slow grounder, someone scoops it up, I'm out at first.
2) I hit a soft, graceful lob, someone catches it, I'm out.
3) I hit the ball, it falls to the ground, I run like heck, and I get to first. Miracle.
I think that in order to get better at softball, I need to learn how to a) throw and b) catch. I am, however, too lazy to practice, and I also do not own a softball. Therefore I will neither throw nor catch and instead, will simply chase after the ball in a completely undignified way when it bounces out of my glove.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Library, where art thou?
This weekend, I am making it MY MISSION to get a library card and start some reading. MY MISSION, I say. See the all caps? That means I'm SERIOUS.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sun. Bern.
This summer's weather has been a whole lotta hot, stormy, humid insanity. Despite this I think I might be falling in love with Kansas a little bit. There are more than a few quirks that take some getting used to — the strange fact that locations in Kansas don't show up on my car's navigational system, for one thing — it has been a pleasurable June by all accounts.
Getting used to living at home again is definitely a challenge, though easier than I expected it to be. The best part is just having my parents around. Living alone has taught me to value company a whole lot more than I used to. Maurice, too, seems to have adjusted well to his new abode. Mohawk, my mom's fish, likes to swim near the side of his tank and then they both puff up. It's fun to watch.
In other news, T and I will probably be apart for the longest time ever this summer. This sucks. However, being as busy as I've been (8-5 work days, often 8-6, and social events besides) I've had little time to dwell on the separation. What with my work schedule and his study schedule, this summer is just a hump we're going to have to get over. I think we're doing OK so far. I've definitely been missing other people too — it's not really any fun without my girlfriends here to be wild and crazy with. But before I know it the summer will be over and school will be upon me.
Now, some quick bullets:
-this summer's beverage: Diet Coke (free at my firm)
-this summer's bad habit: buying shoes
-this summer's anthem: Forever by Chris Brown
-this summer's soundtrack: Little Voice, Sara Bareilles
-this summer so far: sunny, with a side of storm (both figurative and literal descriptions)
Getting used to living at home again is definitely a challenge, though easier than I expected it to be. The best part is just having my parents around. Living alone has taught me to value company a whole lot more than I used to. Maurice, too, seems to have adjusted well to his new abode. Mohawk, my mom's fish, likes to swim near the side of his tank and then they both puff up. It's fun to watch.
In other news, T and I will probably be apart for the longest time ever this summer. This sucks. However, being as busy as I've been (8-5 work days, often 8-6, and social events besides) I've had little time to dwell on the separation. What with my work schedule and his study schedule, this summer is just a hump we're going to have to get over. I think we're doing OK so far. I've definitely been missing other people too — it's not really any fun without my girlfriends here to be wild and crazy with. But before I know it the summer will be over and school will be upon me.
Now, some quick bullets:
-this summer's beverage: Diet Coke (free at my firm)
-this summer's bad habit: buying shoes
-this summer's anthem: Forever by Chris Brown
-this summer's soundtrack: Little Voice, Sara Bareilles
-this summer so far: sunny, with a side of storm (both figurative and literal descriptions)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
My life, once again my own
Quick bullet post:
-YooHoo: world's greatest beverage. Just don't look at the ingredients.
-Braum's: world's greatest ice cream. Try the peanut butter cup.
-Kansas weather this summer so far: totally. utterly. wack.
-YooHoo: world's greatest beverage. Just don't look at the ingredients.
-Braum's: world's greatest ice cream. Try the peanut butter cup.
-Kansas weather this summer so far: totally. utterly. wack.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Obligatory post about "Sorry, I didn't post"
I was very busy.
And I am still very busy. Posts will likely be very sporadic until such time as things in my life calm down a little.
And I am still very busy. Posts will likely be very sporadic until such time as things in my life calm down a little.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Ahhhhh...
The slug-like viscosity of a brain doing nothing for three...whole...days....
Interspersed with a little bit of mental activity, but not much, I can tell you that.
Interspersed with a little bit of mental activity, but not much, I can tell you that.
Friday, May 09, 2008
The end
So it's over...
Right now, I'm so consumed by the hectic frenzy of packing, cleaning, and last minute to dos (insurance! lease renewals! utility bills! car registration!) that I haven't really been able to focus on the fact that the wild, crazy, amazing ride that I've been on since September is really over. As if to seal the deal, L., S., and J. left this morning, and it was an incredibly sad feeling driving by L.'s apartment, seeing her car sitting outside, but knowing that she wasn't there to hang out with.
It's been incredible, and knowing that it's ending is just a little too much for me handle right now. At least I've got a million and one things to do before I leave to take the stress of changing times, places, and faces off my mind.
Not to mention the nerve-wracking waiting game of grades that kicked off with the worst Con Law final in...well, ever.
Right now, I'm so consumed by the hectic frenzy of packing, cleaning, and last minute to dos (insurance! lease renewals! utility bills! car registration!) that I haven't really been able to focus on the fact that the wild, crazy, amazing ride that I've been on since September is really over. As if to seal the deal, L., S., and J. left this morning, and it was an incredibly sad feeling driving by L.'s apartment, seeing her car sitting outside, but knowing that she wasn't there to hang out with.
It's been incredible, and knowing that it's ending is just a little too much for me handle right now. At least I've got a million and one things to do before I leave to take the stress of changing times, places, and faces off my mind.
Not to mention the nerve-wracking waiting game of grades that kicked off with the worst Con Law final in...well, ever.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Again...
Brown sugar meringue cookies — unbelievably airy and light, with the most fantastic brown sugar flavor.
Also: let's see how many different sweatshirts we can screen-capture me in. Here, I sport a lovely red zip-up, complete with baggy sweats and ratty ponytail.
So it begins
Tomorrow is my first final exam: Property. Then, in quick succession:
Monday—Contracts
Wednesday—Constitutional Law
I've been surprisingly calm so far and have managed to give myself relatively good pep talks that have prevented me from my customary every-other-day freak outs. This might be a sign of maturity, but don't worry — I'm on the look out for more indications that I'm a normal person and will report any such symptoms accordingly.
Monday—Contracts
Wednesday—Constitutional Law
I've been surprisingly calm so far and have managed to give myself relatively good pep talks that have prevented me from my customary every-other-day freak outs. This might be a sign of maturity, but don't worry — I'm on the look out for more indications that I'm a normal person and will report any such symptoms accordingly.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The third product (sort of)
This is what happens when you make a French Silk pie and don't remember to take a picture of it before...well, you know.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
DOUBLE WONDERFUL!
I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for—tonight they threw me a surprise birthday party!
Because my birthday is during the summer and we're all scattered around the country, they were super sneaky and L. got me to E.'s where they all jumped out and surprised me with a scavenger hunt, which took me around the entire grad housing complex and then back to the apartment where...
...
...
...a PINK KITCHEN-AID MIXER was waiting for me, wrapped beautifully in pink paper! And accompanied by a pink card!
AMAZING!
This was followed by an absolutely lovely dinner of pasta primavera and a fantastic dessert of molten chocolate cake, all lovingly prepared by E. I just do not have words. TWO surprises in one weekend! TWO!
THE CAPS ARE GOING WILD! AND THE EXCLAMATION POINTS TOO!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, GIRLS!
Because my birthday is during the summer and we're all scattered around the country, they were super sneaky and L. got me to E.'s where they all jumped out and surprised me with a scavenger hunt, which took me around the entire grad housing complex and then back to the apartment where...
...
...
...a PINK KITCHEN-AID MIXER was waiting for me, wrapped beautifully in pink paper! And accompanied by a pink card!
AMAZING!
This was followed by an absolutely lovely dinner of pasta primavera and a fantastic dessert of molten chocolate cake, all lovingly prepared by E. I just do not have words. TWO surprises in one weekend! TWO!
THE CAPS ARE GOING WILD! AND THE EXCLAMATION POINTS TOO!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, GIRLS!
Won, Wonder, Wonderful
On Thursday, T. surprised me by showing up on my doorstep unannounced. It was unbelievable, amazing, and one of the best things anyone has ever done for me. My spirits lifted from "finals-down-in-the-dumps" to "OH MY GOD HE IS HERE." I can't even describe it, it was so incredible.
Then we got food poisoning (or stomach flu, but I'm betting on the food poisoning b/c the symptoms seem to line up).
While the whole dehydrated, can't-keep-anything-down feeling was not the highlight of the last few days, at least we had each other. Basically, we were sick together and I'm not even exaggerating—being sick with T. was better than being OK on my own. He's gone now, and I really miss that guy.
But nothing will take away the sheer and utter ecstasy I felt when I opened that door and saw him smiling at me...just thinking about it makes me feel wonderful.
Then we got food poisoning (or stomach flu, but I'm betting on the food poisoning b/c the symptoms seem to line up).
While the whole dehydrated, can't-keep-anything-down feeling was not the highlight of the last few days, at least we had each other. Basically, we were sick together and I'm not even exaggerating—being sick with T. was better than being OK on my own. He's gone now, and I really miss that guy.
But nothing will take away the sheer and utter ecstasy I felt when I opened that door and saw him smiling at me...just thinking about it makes me feel wonderful.
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