so relaxed

I am so relaxed right now. I am wearing sweatpants and cuddled in my brand new gray fleece blanket that is SO SO soft. Thanks again, Ruth! I think I am going to be a vegetable today. That sounds like a good plan. Hooray, vegetable!

AUGH FINALS AUGH

Wow. Finals time! i have a lot of work to do and not really that much time to do it in. Every semester I always forget how absolutely terrible finals time is, and then it hits me with the full force of BlueBook-takehome-termpaper power combined. (And no, that doesn't produce Captain Planet, and, even more unfortunately, that doesn't produce Captain A+ either). Send hugs! Send love! Send support! I send all those things to you too.

Bernie's Christmas List

- Anything shoes

- Anything Victoria's Secret

- Anything sweet

- Anything Duckish

Not much

I am at work, which means I'm waiting for the page to come through so that I can actually DO some work. Missing my Tom, my DDs and anything else that would make my time here more fun. I miss everyone! These next few weeks are going to be hell. On a brighter note, i get to live with Jody next year! On another brighter note, I get to see my Tom tomorrow! hmmmm....
Tom
or
Row?

I shall pick Tom, tomorrow!!!!

Owowow

ow I just squished my finger and it hurts. Ow.

Not much else to report but it looks like I really get to go Vietnam after all this summer! Hooray!!! THat is awesome.

Endless food...

Equals endless bliss.

Not really, but sort of.

This week is going to be as hectic and stress-filled as all get out. I have so much work to do! I have TWO GIGANTIC papers due next week - one of which is a RESEARCH paper and I haven't started either...oy polloi. But I get to go to two Christmas parties this weekend - a formal one at Tom's school, and an awesome and fun one at home where I will play with the doggies all day. It will be a fun and wonderful treat.

And now I have to do homework.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost here. I have been overwhelmed by a sudden, irrepressible desire to do absolutely nothing with all of my time. All I want to do is relax and hang out and not read for classes that hey, I really do need to read for. Whatever.
Yes! I get to go to NJ. And check this out, I think Arti and I are on the same flight to Newark. That's pretty much fabulous. There are only two things that are going to suck about this Thanksgiving. 1) I don't get to see my doggies. 2) I don't get to see my Tom because he is going to a hunting camp in Alpena for Thanksgiving.

GUESS WHAT I HEARD OF THE CRAZIEST THING LAST NIGHT!

A Turducken!

It's a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey! Or a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey, or something like that. Isn't that crazy?! I saw it on MNF. It was nuts.

Ok, enough from me.

Check me out

After a Meijer run, this is what I have purchased:
-Waffle Crisp Cereal
-Peach Honey Bunches of Oats Cereal
-Wheatables, Seven Grain and Honey Wheat
-1 gallon Rocky Road ice cream
-Edy's whole fruit popsicles
-2 boxes of Fruit snacks
-2 blocks of cheese
-Mountain Dew
-a box of Bisquick mix
-Eggs
-Milk
-Brown sugar
-2 bags of Lays potato chips (they were buy one get one free!)
-Chocolate
-More chocolate
-gummies

I am going to be very very fat after eating all of this. Therefore I shall spread it out over many weeks and shall be less fat more gradually. Which means no one will hopefully be able to tell.

Reading List

In my spare time [what spare time?!]...

The Guns of August
Brothers Karamazov
Orlando
Ghost Stories by Edith Wharton
Make Wsy for Ducklings

Stress

I have a takehome midterm due tomorrow worth 40% of my grade. I have to squeeze information that scholars have written thousands of volumes on (judicial authority in the US) into 4 doublespaced pages.

Let's just write this thing.

Housebound

There are only a few things I want to say in this post.

First of all. Drugs = bad. Drugs = headache, tummyache, dizziness and irrational desire to do something fun.
Second of all. Socks are underrated.
Third of all. Ducks rock.

This. Is. Not. A. Fun. Night.

wow, way to overpunctuate.

Now I'm going on a food binge to console myself with calories.

If I had chocolate I would eat it. Since I do not I am going to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

I want to cut off my leg

I have an abscess (sp?) on my leg. It hurts like hell. I have to take many medicines many times a day. It sucks. I am also missing class which sucks because now I will be behind. I am going to sleep now.

OWWWWWWW I AM SICK LIKE A BIC!

Nothing much

WOW WOW WOW!

I am super duper busy!

I also miss my doggies a lot. I've tried petting dogs on the Diag but their owners usually get annoyed or I don't have time to stop.

On another note, fall is here! This means several wonderful things: colorful trees, hot drinks (yum yummy), blankets to snuggle in, and sweaters! I also now have an excuse to pull out my coats, which I adore. On another, less wonderful note, it also means exams. Blehhhhhhhhh.

Bernie = worried about grades. Why am I only getting checks in my creative writing class and not check pluses?! It's really frustrating. I'm working realyl hard and I'm not getting any check pluses! Augh!

Yesterday, Tom and I cooked a venison dinner and I tasted venison for the first time. It was yummy. We ate it with mushrooms, onions, and green beans. This weekend we watched a LOT of football, and I learned a ton of new things about sports. I am getting so sporty. It's pretty sweet. We also slept a lot this weekend. I like sleep. I think it is one of my great loves, especially during this kind of weather because your bed is so soft and warm and blanket-y and outside it's nippy and frosty.

Grocery list:
-Hot chocolate/chai
-Peanut butter
-AAA batteries
-another notebook
-Apples
-Butter (enough to make cookies)
-Pam cooking spray

I miss my Disney Divas. I really wish I had a teleport machine that would allow me to travel to any part of the world in an instant.

Busy busy

Busy busy is the name of the game. I'm trying to stay on my toes, what with homework, and Daily and my social/romantic life. There's little pockets of time in every day that I just sit and do nothing, too, which is bizarre because I could use that time to my advantage and instead I just...don't.
Things have fallen into a sort of groove. I wake up and I either study or relax and then I'm off to class, and then Daily, and then (if I'm lucky and it's the right day of the week) my favorite part of any day - my Tom! Apartment life is nice and convenient, with pieces of growing up built right into the foundation - cooking for myself, cleaning for myself, paying bills and washing dishes and doing laundry. I've found that I like it. There's a neat rhythm to it that keeps me calm if I can just manage to stay busy. It's only when I'm idle that thoughts come into my head about my future, about any problems I'm having, about weird stuff like what's happening in the world.
It seems, sadly enough, that I have to schedule time to think now.

I miss the butts

Lazy, yet satisfying.

Today I am being lazy and productive! Oh yes, beat that, other productive people who went to the library (read: Ruth). It is only 4 and I somehow feel like it's 6:30. This is a good arrangement, because now I have more time than I think I do! Oh joy!

This weekend was super duper awesome. I did nothing but laze around like a sleeping koala bear and I had a ton of fun doing it. Sometimes it's good to let your brain gelatinize. All that work it usually goes through tuckers it out.

I miss Tom. And Pudge the duck, who is at Tom's place so that he will be good company. But mostly I miss Tom. And it's only been...5 hours since I last saw him. Still. I always miss him the instant I don't see him any more.

Bernie has decided (that's me) to work hard. Really really hard. Therefore, I am going to BURN through my homework with all deliberate speed - Shakespeare! Critique! Stupidly dense and difficult to understand courts and judicial reading! Weird psych stuff that gives me a headache when I think about it too hard! YESSSSSSSSSS!

I have decided that logic does not go in circles. Instead it goes in curlicues. This is a good explanation for the fact that I can't always explain why I think what I think. It's complicated. See?

Look for my first column on Wednesday. I have decided that my column title will be "Take a quack at it" in honor of ducks everywhere. Again, my duck bathroom is pretty effin' sweet. Come take a look at it! It rocks. It is super cool. It fits the bill (hahahahahahahahahaha).

Should I do Honors English? Should I apply?

Oh Lordie. This is a dilemma.

Buckling down

Yes, I am, indeed, buckling down. I have lots of work to do and all of today to do it. And so, for the next 8 hours, I will be listening to music, snacking (but hopefully not too much as the pounds, I'm sure, are starting to pack on), and doing lots of homework while gossiping with my roomies. YAY I GOT DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES DVDS from the DAILY! Way to get free stuff.

Hmmm. I can make really good pasta dishes.

Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary with my Tom. We are going out to dinner. I will be dressed up. OH IT IS SO EXSKITING.

Hmmm, let's see. What homework do I have today?

Reading for 317 and 330 (mucho mucho reading)
3 critiques for 223 and an assignment.
Reading for Shakespeare (who, in my notes, is affectionately known as Shake)
Some other shtuff.

Buckle down, Bernie, buckle down.

Cracking up

I fear that I am...cracking up. My brain doesn't seem to function at normal levels anymore. I have to read stuff twice and sometimes three times just to get it, and it's only the second week of school. Oy.

Let's see, new things in my life. I miss Tom a lot whenever I'm not with him, and both of us are busy busy bees so that isn't really helping matters much. The apartment is still in a strange state of transition - we really have to do something about it because there just isn't really a comfortable place to sit. The kitchen situation is working well, though. We've kind of all just assumed familiarity with each others' habits and so far it's going well, except all of us are so busy that we're just in and out and hardly see each other. Arti's in the B-school, which apparently sucks out life force, Ruth has Pizza House and class, Irene has research work and class, and I have Daily and class. We run around all day and come home and collapse at night into our tiny little beds and wake up the next day to the stupid alarms that never seem to shut up.

Other than that, life at school is great. The weather's nice, if a little warm for my taste, my classes are interesting, I've seen lots of people from last year and done some catching up, and I've started cooking for myself. I even have my own set of keys, which is exciting because it makes me feel like I really have a place to call my own - though I do share it with three other girls. But they are three fabulous girls.

My bathroom is all ducks. It's pretty cool.

Not much else to report on the front, except that I seem to have this perpetual headache humming underneath my eyes, just below the surface. The only time it goes away is when I'm with Tom, when I'm cooking something especially yummy, or when I'm hanging out with the girls, which doesn't happen enough since we're all just scurrying around like ants. I wonder how to make it go away.

Ugh

In the last three hours, I have made 50 cookies. Now I am sick of the sight of cookies, and also their taste and smell. But at least I have many friends who will be very happy tomorrow with their chocolatey treats.

Tomorrow, I am going to Ann Arbor to run errands and visit people. Hopefully my afternoon will be nice and free so I can hang out with my Tom.

I have discovered an addiction to baking. I love baking stuff. Today, my mom bought me a 17 piece bake set with all this really awesome stuff, like measuring cups and spoons and a sweet spatula. YES.

I'm wearing Jody's sweatshirt. I like it so much, but I shall have to return it to her the next time I see her. Today, Christine left for France. Shanti is already gone. It is so sad!!! I miss them already. But at least tomorrow I get to see some good ol' friends.

Mosqitoes and more

For all those interested, I am in the middle of a temporary lull in the unbelievably dull dullness of my life. Cousins Erin (boy) and Ben are here visiting from the Land Down Under. Accents duly noted.

YAY! In the last week my oh so generous mother has very kindly allowed me to go out with my friends on several occasions! Hooray! What a cause for celebration. I dedicate this to Jody, therefore, whom I have seen on all four of my ventures into the world of normal, social creatures.

Hmm...According to my count it's only about 2.5 weeks until we get back to Ann Arbor. YES I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a new pair of shoes...actually, two new pairs of shoes since the last time we spoke. One pair is a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous set of pale, mint-green slingback stilletos. The other pair is a more traditional and functional, but no less gorgeous pair of black leather stiletto pumps. Tres sexy. Tres awesome.

I need to get out of here...

before I go crazy or something equally enchanting. There is nothing wrong with my house except that there is everything wrong with my house. I...need...to...get...OUT OF HERE. September, hurry the hell up.

Oh my gosh, this was so cool. We saw a Mommy Loon and all of her babies on this rock!!! 

Look at our cool old-fashioned Schwinns! Mine is the one with the basket. 

Check out Tom, lounging like no one's business. 

The Grand Hotel is so cool. 

Mackinac is so sweet. 

The loooooong front porch at the Grand Hotel. 

Fire the cannon! 

Alpena makes the world's largest strawberry shortcake! This thing is monstrous...and yummy! 

Bern overlooking the town 

...and pass them... 

Proof that Tom can juggle clubs! 

Tom at the fort 

Newness

So cousins are back with me - my two bums, Chris and Paul, who sleep all day and stay up all night because they're weird like that. Also because they're teenagers. Anyway, if you're in town and achin' for a little company, give me a call. I'm ready for some good friends. Lunch, anyone?

I am going to NJ!!!!

Wow, I'm awake insanely early - this is nothing! I was up at 4:30!!!!! Hi-YA!!!

Anyway, I'm off. See you all in a week or so! Have wonderful lives until I see you guys again!

Hooray!!!

YAY MY TOM IS COMING TODAY!!! HE IS COMING TO SEE ME!!! I WILL SEE HIM!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!

Guess what?

Life is actually pretty good. Checklist, please.

1. Happy family - check.
2. Nice weather - check.
3. Other stuff - check.

Plus, I'm in love.


On another note, my mom tried her hand at amateur dog grooming today. Lucky's face looks like he got in a fight with a blender: hairwise, not bloody gross wise. Poor guy. My dad is going to flip.

YAY only three more days! Less than three more days!!

Also, my little sister got a xanga. If you want the address, let me know.

Father's Day...woohoo

Father's Day. Another lazy, lazy Sunday afternoon spent lounging around the house reading book after book, eating leftovers, playing with the dogs, etc, etc.

Something really wonderful is going to happen! My Tom is coming to New Jersey with me! We are going to spend time with my family, hang out at the beach, and visit New York!!! I am so happy. Nothing like the one you love hanging out with the ones you love.

Anyway, I just finished Stephen King's book "On Writing". Not only is it a good resource, but it is also well written and entertaining. I am such a fan of that man. He is so awesome.

Today sucks

Ok, today sucks. Even my mom agrees with me. The following is a verbatim transcript of a short conversation between said maternal figure and myself.

Me: Mom, today sucks.
Mom: Yes, today is [sic]sucks.

The toilet in my mom's bathroom started leaking out the top box lid thing, and basically flooded everything within a ten foot radius (though her bathroom's really big so it was confined to the room). However, we mopped, Shop-vac'd (Tom, we figured out what was wrong with it), and are in the process of washing all the rugs. I am also elbow deep in dishes, knee high in laundry, and up to my neck in things to do like vacuum, dust, clean the bathroom (toilets aside from the disastrous one).

I think I will console myself with chocolate, but what I really want are kisses. The Hershey kind would be nice too.

Bernie's Summer Checklist

Ok, so these are tentative goals. This summer is not living up to my expectations, and I am therefore trolling for a new plan. Ambition is good. In moderation.

1. Spend quality time with loved ones. This shouldn't be too hard considering it is probably the most pleasant of all my summer plans thus far, but there are very special people who are very far away, and as such it takes a little bit of planning and effort to get face-time with them.

2. Write a book. I know, I know, I've been trying to do this for years, but maybe it'll work this time. Any ideas? I've got a few, but it's kind of hard to get the ball rolling. I figure if I can force myself to write at least a paragraph a day, on anything at all, inspiration will strike. Plus my writing should improve, so that's only a plus.

3. Make/save money. AUGH I'm 20 years old. This means that I am nearly an adult. At the very least, it means that I'm going to have to start growing up (a fact made abundantly clear by a revelation that maybe I'm a tad too old for merry-go-rounds. But only maybe.) Anywho, money is, sadly, required for survival in modern human society (at least, modern American society). Saving/making some would probably be a good idea.

4. Edify myself. This means several things: reading all the books on my summer reading list (currently finishing Lolita), learning at least one new thing a day, becoming wise(r) in the ways of classic rock, refresh my knowledge of the Vietnam war, and study theology (at the very least, the Bible). Phew. I hope I can get through all that.

5. CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! Any ideas? So far the only thing I can think of is to start a letter writing campaign against the bloodsuckers who leech onto senior citizens for money (think Publishers Clearing House, the weird letters you get telling you that you're eligible for a free TV if you buy a blender in 6 easy installments of $19.99). Or I could study everything about the Middle East and come up with a proposal and send it to Condoleeza Rice. I think I'll start small with volunteer work. Red Cross, Domestic Abuse Shelter, etc, etc.

Wow. Did I say ambition was good in moderation? Well, I guess in Bernie world, moderation:ambition::buffet:meal - huge. Is that analogy right? I think I'm mixing metaphors in there somewhere. Or tenses or something. Or cases. It's late. I'm stopping now.

Sorry for the excessively long post.

Missing my Tom.

Ten Four, over and out.

Update

Hi, I'm back. Tom was here for the weekend and it was wonderful, but it flew by much too quickly. I am a little lonely once again, so if you're in town, DDs, give me a ring. Also pondering a visit to AA this weekend to see my girls. This blog has been awfully neglected lately. Apologies about that. More to come later, probably.

Summer update

Well...it doesn't look like Bernie's heading to Vietnam after all. The security clearance probably won't go through for a good long while, which means...Portage for the summer. Any ideas on what I can do to be less vegetative?

Oh my goodness

Oh my goodness! Today is so, so, so hot. I feel like there's going to be a big storm later on tonight since the air is so still and warm and thick - I really hope so! I love a good storm. I just ate a piece of brownie ice cream cake, which I made according to an ancient (not so ancient) Florip recipe, and it is yum yum yummers. Also, our basement is now super super cool! Way to hang out there. I miss all of my friends very much. You should all drop me a line. I am on a mailing campaign this summer so you might receive a letter or a card! You never know.

A song

Do I miss you?
Yes I do, Yes I do,
I miss you and I'm feeling blue
Yes, indeed I do.

Do I love you?
Yes I do, Yes I do,
I love you and I keep it true,
Yes, indeed I do.

Do I dream you?
Yes I do, Yes I do,
I dream you when I wake anew
Yes, indeed I do.

Tomorrow, will I love you still?
Yes I will, Yes I will,
I'll love you more than words can fill,
Yes, indeed I will.

The End of the Weekend

This weekend was a very incredibly wonderful and special one, thanks to all my friends who came to my birthday party and celebrated with me and Tom who spent the weekend keeping me company. Things are sure to ease off now, but at least I'll have the memories from this weekend! Yay hooray!

On the road today I saw some baby horses (I know they're called foals) and they were so very cute. Also, we had a killer frog sighting this morning.

I'm going to go and read one of my new books now.

Much love to all.

Oh...my...gosh

Oh my gosh. In 33 minutes I will be 20. Help me!!! I won't be a teenager any more!!!

I'm listening to Baba O'Reilly (Teenage Wasteland) for the last few times that it will apply to me.

AUGH!

Today stinks

Today was very stinky. A bunch of non-fun, non-cool, disappointing stuff happened.

-Frantic change of plans because my mom wrote down the wrong DAY to take my grandmother to the airport. Disappointment ensues because of plans that were supposed to happen tomorrow but now won't since the airport trip was moved to today.
-Painters are doing the doors so they are all open and flies have taken advantage and decided to buzz all over. I put away all the food but they're still there...buzzing...
-Honeycomb tangled with a wet brush and now has a streak of gray paint down his back.
-I smacked my forehead a good one on an open cabinet door.
-Mini-fight with the mater over backseat driving. I will never win.
-My last day as a teenager.

Oh well. At least I have tomorrow to look forward to!

YAY TODAY IS WONDERFUL!!!!

YAY!!!! GUESS WHAT TODAY I GOT TWO PIECES OF MAIL A POSTCARD FROM MY TOM AND A BIRTHDAY CARD FROM MY AWESOME COUSIN ANN!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!! PLUS WE ARE HAVING PIZZA FOR DINNER TONIGHT!!!

Ok, letting up on the caps. Anywho, I am super excited and it is really fabulous and today I had lunch with my Gretch-Fletch which is also awesome!

It is now time to reveal my secret party plans.

Guest List:
-You!!!!!
-Other people!!!

Activities:
-Blowing Bubbles
-Playing hopscotch and drawing on the driveway
-Eating
-Playing battle of the backyard with little green army men
-Watching movies

There will also be a brownie ice-cream cake (sure to send Ruth into culinary ecstasies)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know you want to be there to celebrate my quarter-life crisis. According to Gretchen, all of the planned activities are a direct result of me being in denial of my age and maturity.

I, however, think she's crazy. After all, who played tag at her 16th birthday party?

Lucky and Honeycomb, aka The Butts 

Today's schedule

1. Finish cleaning up my bathroom (i.e. organizing various drawers)
2. Go to lunch with Gretchen (WOOHOO)
3. Take a nap???
4. Plan for the party (which is only three days away, and only 2 more days until THURSDAY)
5. Play with the butts (That's them up there)
6. Do more stuff, I guess.

My life is not very interesting.

This is FOR TOM!!!! 

The frog attack that (nearly) occurred

So today, I was minding my own business, approaching the pond to poke at the fish (hey, I never actually touch them), talking to my mom about the butts, when suddenly - THE KILLER FROG THAT LIVES IN MY POND JUMPED FROM THE ROCKS INTO THE WATER!

Yes. I know. That means it was really close to me! Scary, right?



BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!!!!!!!

Oh no. Then, I went to look at the fish in the water and it swam up from the bottom and LOOKED AT ME. RIGHT IN THE EYE.

Then I yelled so it went back down.

I almost got attacked by that frog. I shouldn't have named him Ajax. I think it gave him a warrior instinct.

Go to this site

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

Today

Today is beautiful, sunny, and temperate, which means good mood! Not much to report, just very excited for my birthday party that will somehow, hopefully, end up being a mini-Disney Diva reunion. I am so excited! I cannot wait! Woohoo, woohoo!
On another, more sucky note, my dad is going to India tomorrow.
On another, more sucky note, I miss my Tom and all my girls in AA, OH, IN, IO, and IL.
On another, more upbeat note, I got new piano books from the library yesterday! Yay new music!

Night

I...am...lonely.

Check out the sweet rainbow over Thunder Bay. 

This is Tom, practicing his high step next to an old blind in a stand of birch trees. 

Thumbs up! Me by a deer blind (which I now have seen and looked inside of). 

Look at that huge mushroom! (It's the blobby white thing in the corner) 

I am a tree-hugger at heart. 

Hi Tom standing on the bridge over the "crick"!!! 

Look at the sweet ducks!!!